inspired to write….kind of.

I’ve got a bunch of articles on my to-do list. Do I attack with fervor? Nope. My eyes are blurry from the day’s strain and Sage’s little kid voice- once cute- is now like fingernails on a chalkboard and she refuses to play anywhere but next to me. Why must her mouth move with the second hand? Just a moment’s silence. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is when we’re dealing with a 3 year old. Ryan on the other hand is gleefully silent …watching his beloved Celtics take to the court. Half my battle but why oh why isn’t she downstairs with him? We’ve been cruising together all day. I even took her to my callback today. It’s his turn.
Life really isn’t that rough if that’s all I have to complain about. Health is good, eyes are healing (albeit slowly), Sage is as rambunctious as ever without the five-alarm tantrums that could shake the pope’s panties off, and I get a WHOLE weekend away to take in the Telluride Bluegrass Festival, VIP style. In so many ways, I’m due this trip.
My first summer outing (the two trips to Fruita in May don’t count- it wasn’t summer yet.;) ), I’m flying solo, I just had eye surgery, Sage has been strapped to my hip for two weeks because preschool’s out, I spent three full days upgrading and reloading Windows 7 and programs, et al (anyone who has done their own debugging knows the stress), and I need the inspiration that only an outdoor fest weekend can bring. New friends, new sounds, gourmet food and 8 hours of silent nights.
Sage keeps having ‘nightmares’. Last night was the first since San Diego where she didn’t come screaming down the hall in hysterics, wanting to crawl into bed with us. For the past week, we’ve marched her back to bed in the obscene hours of the morning. She’d go back to sleep only to wake me up at 7 am wanting to ‘cuddle’. Aww, how could I refuse? But 7 is unacceptable. I sleep till 9. Today, I slept till 9! Our ‘chats’ about not coming into Momma’s room until you hear her alarm may have finally registered. Ya think? I don’t want to jinx it but it’s entirely possible that she realizes she needs her sleep as well. That or she wants the rice krispie treat I’ve promised if she doesn’t wake me.
Gone are the days when I slept solidly and honestly believed I was a sound sleeper. Ryan’s on a lame-ass stock exchange schedule that has him setting his alarm once at 5 and again at 5:30. I sleep in another room sometimes just so I don’t have a series of naps instead of a good night’s rest. I really wish he’d get a 9-5er like normal people. It does me no good to have him home by 4 as he winds up on the couch sound asleep for two hours anyway. At least if he worked bankers’ hours instead of traders’ hours, I could have my beauty rest.
And now for the detes you’re so dying to hear about. The CT Scan raised a scare but turned out to be nothing… for now. We didn’t move up the MRI but I did have an ultrasound to see if there was something that needed to be biopsied. The radiologist said she sees nothing then confided that CTs aren’t the method of diagnosis for breast cancer. Hence, the MRI order. My doc confirmed that everyone was being just a tad trigger happy and my routine checkup should remain routine. It’s like I’m living a new life this month. I get to go weeks without being handled like Mama Luigi’s ground beef!
The next checkup is in July and hopefully that little ‘spot’ turns out to be scar tissue. The thing that does scare me is that the radiologist said if there’s going to be a recurrence it usually happens near the original tumor. But like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll worry about that tomorrow.
Today, I focus on acting. Some encouraging words and signs in the past two weeks have lit a tiny fire under my ass. I shot a crazy short film with a completely adlibbed script for no pay but a ton of fun. My IHC commercial started airing (even Sage recognized me on TV). I had an audition for a short film and a feature where both directors complimented me and inquired about my experience, and I got a callback for an indie feature. The acting scene in Utah has most certainly picked up.
It’s mostly low budge stuff that’s calling out to our local talent but it’s work and there are auditions every week. Indie films, short films, student films, local commercials. I just about cried though when I heard Catrine got her mitts into a film I auditioned for last week. The director seemed to adore me- and two guys listening outside passed me their cards and said they were working on some projects that I might be ‘right’ for! I went home beaming. But then Catrine gets wind of the project and talks them into having another audition to showcase some select talent. UGH. I’m all for a production doing everything they can to have the best shot at success but that doesn’t mean I like having the wind taken out of my sails by introducing the competition. Who knows? They may still think I’m the sh*t. It’s a tough role but one I would love an opportunity to play. Pretty much Sharon Stone in Casino without the drug/alcohol abuse. Hell, yeah, I can do that.
The call back today was a no-brainer. ER Nurse. I was born to play strong female roles. Cops, lawyers, doctors, reporters. Done ’em. It wasn’t until I had Sage that I could even see myself reading for the part of the mom. Today, did not go as smoothly as hoped.
I walked into the room to find a very good looking guy staring at me. I did a double take. Not because I was nervous about the audition but for a second I forgot where I was! Obviously John was looking at me as an actor coming in to read for the part but for a moment it was like I was meeting someone from Match. He was all smiles and staring! I was actually confused. I looked at Tye shutting the door behind me and back to the table where John sat. Jeff (the casting director) lurked in the side shadows. Maybe the eye surgery went to my brain. Then he started to speak- to ask me questions about myself (as he skimmed my resume). We’re chatting about mountain biking v. road cycling and then there was Tye signaling me to slate to camera. Huh? What? 0 to 60 in 10. And so I was on. Not a lot (or any) time to get in the zone. I can only hope that it was better than I thought. I let Tye rush me. Shame on me. I know better than that. And shame on Tye for not trying to help me shine. The upside is that he did the exact same thing on my first audition and I walked not expecting a callback. I want this part! It sounds like a great film. If you’re at all curious, go to http://pelotonthemovie.com/.
It’s crazy late and Sage just woke up crying in her room next door. I ignore her. Sigh. She’s so sweet and it’s all about being alone in the dark. You can’t blame the kid for wanting a warm heart next to her. I get Ryan don’t I? But at the same time, the late night terrors need to stop- for everyone’s sake. OK. She’s fallen back asleep on her own so I can now sneak off to bed without her hearing me. Toodles.

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